Jennifer P. Tanabe

During a recent meditation I had a deep experience.

It started by entering an antique store with some friends. The store was dusty and full of old things, mostly junk. Nothing was very interesting to me. The owner, an old man, approached me and invited me to come to a back room.

When we entered that room, it was completely different. Everything was beautiful, shining, obviously cared for and valuable. There were beautifully carved wooden pieces, lovely ceramic vases, gorgeous tapestries, and shining chandeliers and lamps. I turned to the owner, and he was no longer an old man but a handsome youth.

“This is the real you, isn’t it?” I said. He nodded. I walked around a bit more, touching some of the lovely items with great reverence. “This is your heart!” I exclaimed. “It is all so beautiful.”

“But it is broken,” he said sadly. “No, I don’t see anything broken,” I shook my head, puzzled. He pointed, “See, over there, it is all dark, pieces are missing.” “No, I see everything,” I replied. “Everything is there, your heart is whole. I can see it all.” In fact, I could see a faint shimmering where he pointed, but it was like a transparent film over that section and I could clearly see the beauty beneath. His heart was unbroken.

Then, I wondered, “how is my heart?” The scene changed and I knew I was seeing my heart. It too was unbroken, even in the places where I knew great damage had been done.

I realized I was seeing from God’s viewpoint. “God,” I said. “This is how you see our hearts, isn’t it. Now, can I see your heart?”

Immediately the scene changed again. First, I saw an old woman, bending down to give something to a child. It was a piece of bread, for the young girl was starving. Then, I saw a young boy reaching out to save a dog from drowning. Next, was a young mother and her baby, helping a blind man to cross the street safely.

“Not what you expected?” God asked, sounding like He was smiling.

“I don’t know, maybe,” I replied. The scenes reminded me of random acts of kindness. People with a heart of love for others do kind things to others with no thought of reward. That was the heart God had captured.

Then, I moved to a new place. Here I saw soldiers dying. They were young, many of them just boys. I felt so sad. “God,” I asked. “Why do you have these scenes? It is so tragic.”

God’s reply was instant, “That is what they had to give.”

I realized that they had willingly sacrificed their lives for their country, for another soldier, for their families, so that others would have a better life. Even though the scenes were painful, God knew their heart and captured it.

I still felt sad, because there were so many painful scenes. “Isn’t Your heart broken to see all this suffering?” I asked God.

“No, not broken. I feel the suffering, but I cherish the goodness inside each person. That is what I put in my heart. My heart feels pain, yes, but it is never broken.”

I wanted to see more, especially more joy and happiness, but I returned to the physical reality.

What remained is the knowledge that God’s heart is unbroken. And, although each one of us may feel like our hearts are broken, in the eyes of the unbroken heart of God all our goodness is intact.