Jennifer P. Tanabe

How many times have you heard children scream “No Fair!” We probably all said those words ourselves, hopefully many years ago!

Why is it not fair? Well, little Johnny complained when his big brother took the toy he was playing with. Judy cried when the other kids wouldn’t let her have a turn on the slide. Becky and Mike argued about who had the bigger slice of cake. It goes on and on.

How do we solve these instances of unfairness? Well, for the kids, usually parents or another adult steps in. The children are told to share the toys, give each other turns, and either accept their piece of cake or both can go without!

In these cases, the situation is not really that serious and as long as adults bring the matter to some kind of solution with reconciliation, it’s hardly going to affect the children for the rest of their lives. The lesson is not so much that life is not fair, it’s more that we have to learn to share, to do things together with others harmoniously. It’s a good life lesson.

But later in life, the lessons are not always ones we want or need to learn.

I vividly remember telling my mother that something that happened at school was not fair. She responded that it was good training for life which was often unfair, and I replied that life should be fair! Actually, we were both right. The experience at school was training me to expect life to be unfair. But why should life be unfair?

I don’t recall what the incident was that prompted my complaint. It must not have been an important life lesson.  What I do remember is thinking that life should not be unfair. And I wanted to do something to make it better.

I remember another time I was unfairly treated at my school. At the end of the year, I was top of the class in Mathematics, Chemistry, and close to the top in Physics, but the school awarded prizes only to boys. I was given nothing. My father went to the school and met with the Rector (that’s what the top person was called, equivalent to a Principal or Headmaster) about the situation. Then, they made a special prize just for me!

I was very impressed by my father, less so by the school’s action but at least they gave me some recognition. I’m not sure how well girls fared in subsequent years in those “boys” subjects, but I can say that the current Rector is a woman!

I learned two lessons from that incident. The first, of course, was that there was no gender equality, at least in my favorite subject areas. It was the 1960s in Scotland, so not exactly the most progressive place for women in the fields now called STEM (science, technology, engineering, mathematics).

The second lesson was how even a small effort can produce a significant result. I’m sure it wasn’t exactly easy for my father to confront the school, but he did it and did it well! I was very proud of him! And while I have no evidence that having a woman Rector today is a direct result of his intervention, I’m sure his effort moved things in that direction. So, the second lesson I learned is that you don’t have to be the most powerful, or rich, or famous, to make a difference. Sometimes, a small thing can actually be a great thing.

Most of us, when we experience injustice are not in a position to make a major change, to fix whatever is unfair and make life fair. But we do have a choice. We can do nothing, worthless, that life is unfair, and the future is hopeless. That’s the negative “cognitive triad” that leads to despair and depression.

The moral of this story, at least for me, is that even if I feel weak and relatively useless looking at all the things in life that are not fair, don’t despair, act! I can do a small thing. I can choose to do a kind thing, a good thing, a small good thing. And that small good thing may have a big impact on one person, or a few people, and those people can also do good things that lead to positive change. And that is a great thing!